Thursday, October 1, 2009

Ethan's Story Part 2 - Shocking News

Weeks went by and I was in complete and utter shock but sick sick sick. I had never been so sick in my entire life. I had three other children so I knew what morning sickness was but this was different. There were days were I could barely make it out of the bed without getting sick. It was horrible. Now, looking back and talking with other Mother's of "Special" children I have learned that sometimes when a baby has "issues inside the womb" the mother can be very sick.

I went in for my 8 week check and had my ultrasound and everything looked good. I went back at 12 weeks and they asked if I wanted a new screening done, this would check to see if the baby had any signs of downs or other genetic issues. This was a new early test that they had just started doing. I figured that since I had three healthy children and I was only 33 I didn't need it and it wouldn't have mattered anyway, right? I went back at 16 weeks and had my blood work done to check for the usual stuff and the special test that checks for down syndrome. That was on a Monday. On Wednesday, right before I was getting ready to leave the office, my doctor's office called, I saw it on the caller id and immediately my stomach fell, I knew they only called with results if there was a problem. It was my Doctor's Nurse Practitioner and she said "I am calling to tell you that your blood work has come back positive for Down Syndrome, please don't freak out because most of the time these tests are false positives, however, your level is 1-51" Later I found out that 1-51 was actually a pretty high risk number. She instructed me to come in the next day to meet with a Perionatologist and have a Level 4 Ultrasound.

I remember trying to call Chris and for whatever reason, I couldn't get him at home or on his cell. So I called my Bestest BFF, who don't forget was also pregnant at the same time and we had the same Doctor. She somehow got me from my office to my house by calmly talking to me all the way, I don't remember what we talked about but I do remember I couldn't have done it without her. I would quickly learn just how much I would end up needing her.

When I got my home, my wonderful husband did what he always does. He put his arms around me and told me it would be OK and we would get through this. At that moment, it all came back to me, the night sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing like a baby when I found I was pregnant....this was it....this is my fault...I did this ....

More to come later....

1 comment:

Diana Bleu said...

when, i was 13-16wks pregnant i had problems, but it wasn't until that time.. they decided to go on and send me to a Perionatologist wasn't urget until i hit 20wks, and my world crashed. I kept on crying, saying I KNEW something was wrong!! weeks went on, I think my mind was in pure h*ll.. plenty of times i could grab myself and my belly and tell myself my child is going to live we ended up seeing 3 specialist, and a 2nd opinion at the children's hospital.. no one even knew my child's kidney was missing, and when i look back on things and the preterm labor all the U/S.. i can see the mistakes in Dr's faces, and i'm angry they kept it a secret from me IF in fact they knew b4 i gave birth. They tried keeping me pregnant and my Ped would help me argue of not needing to stay pregnant at 38wks. By the time she was born it took them a long time to transport her to the children's hospital, when the docs called me to say they couldn't find the other kidney(the healhty one) i thought..no chance will she live! later about 5 days old they told me, they didn't expect her to live but 3 days, inside and out side of utero. I bless my mother instincts everyday..because i knew i needed to have her and pushed for c-section at 38wks. MANY other things were an issue, they claimed they never tested for diabetes so they wanted me to stay pregnant, then also.. in U/S i saw the shape of her head.. which everyday.. i would BEG for something like down syndrome verses.. what was wrong with my child, cause while i was pregnant i really didn't know. Guess i was 26 at the time, trying to raise two other kids and learn.. from people who didn't know what they were doing.
I'm trying to read as much as i can.. to understand your family situation so forgive me if i'm not on point, or lost somewhere.. My situation got worse as the years went on..My exhusband got abusive/left us/ and end up having schizophrenia.. remarried, to a woman who overdosed my daughter. I remarried over a year ago and life has been less of a roller coaster. I'm not to far from you, actually hoping to learn from you as well.. since birth, my daughter has been a case study. They told me, they have never seen anything like her before. I will be her donor, i hope.. you will never have to go through this ever, but if you do..i'm learning lots of people out here to help with emotional support. Happy Thanksgiving!!