Thursday, October 1, 2009

Ethans Story - Part 1 (The Beginning)

So many people have asked me to share our story, so I thought I would start from the beginning...

Jan. 8, 2008

After giving birth to our healthy 3 children we decide we are ready to hang up our baby days and my husband goes in for the "Big V". The procedure goes well, we sign off on the waiver form indicating that the procedure is only 98% effective and we will not sue Dr. B if something goes wrong. We are advised of the next steps, given directions of where to drop off our "samples" and how to gently apply frozen peas for the next 48 hours.

A couple of months go by, we take in our "samples" as directed and await the "go ahead"

April 21, 2008

The lab calls and leaves a message telling us everything looks good, all "samples" are negative we are free to proceed..... Ethan Graham Hamilton is conceived the night of April 21, 2008.

Fast forward to the middle of May

I am eating lunch with a friend at Panera and we are so excited that my Bestest BFF Anne Marie has just found out that she expecting her third child. Jenn and I are already planning her baby shower and than it hits me, sitting in that Panera, sipping on my latte that "I'm late" hmmm, well, it can't be that I'm pregnant because I just got the last bill for the "Big V" and besides the lab told us we were "all clear" Nah, that's not it, nope, not me...right? And I just spent $1,200 to hire a new personal trainer and I've been working out like a dog so that's why I'm so run down. As I'm leaving Jenn laughs and says, "Hey, you should stop by the drug store and get a test, just to make sure, ha, wouldn't it be funny if you were pregnant?" I head back to work and totally forget about the conversation, until I got home that night. After dinner, I jokingly told Chris that I was late and wouldn't it be funny if I was pregnant. He didn't think it was so funny and demands I go to CVS. As I'm walking into the CVS, something takes my breath away and at that very moment I know in fact that I'm pregnant. I rush home and before I'm even done peeing on that stick, two lines quickly appear. I scream, I cry, I am in total hysterics and am crying so uncontrollably that I think I might hyperventilate. My husband puts his arms around me and tells me, "it's all gonna be OK, we can do this, it's gonna be just fine" After crying and screaming and crying some more, I'm sitting on the floor in the bathroom with my hands in my face and I look up at my husband and tell him, "something is wrong with this baby, I know it, I can feel it and it's my fault for acting like this when God has given us this baby for a reason"

I still live with that guilt every single day of my life, knowing how I acted in that moment of God's blessing will haunt me for the rest of my life.....

More to come later!

No comments: